melankoli i spökskogen

ett veckoslut i augusti, på korpo, fick jag för mig att se om den magiska skogen från min barndom fortfarande har kvar sitt skimmer. som nu, som då, var jag melankolisk. och skogen, den var precis som förr.





det speciella är att skogen är bebodd av döda träd. torra stammar står upp, och faller ner av en mer eller mindre lätt puff. puff puff. skogen såg ut ungefär som den gjorde för 15 år sen då peik och jag utforskade den. de avbrutna stammarna på marken är antagligen de som vi med våra späda händer fällde omkull eller bröt itu. spökskog. och dit sökte jag mej, en sen kväll i augusti 2006. melankolisk och riktningslöst ledsen. den här skogen hör till de mest speciella platserna jag vet. men jag vet inte riktigt varför.

det ligger en liten skogsbeklädd ö alldeles fast vid stranden var spökskogen slutar. den är också speciell för mig. när jag som litet barn hittade allt detta blev det som magiskt för mig. men jag förstår inte följeslagaren melankolin. men den är. med mej, där, här. nu.

för just idag tittade jag igenom gamla email. det var egentligen i det skedet en sorgemantel föll på mig. så det gick hand i hand med att spökskogen gjorde sig påmind. det gemensamma är förlust. avbrutna nära relationer. bloody sunday.

diving diva

I LOVE DIVING. [insert flashing heart here]

[insert big fat smiley with tongue hanging out and two more tacky hearts]

thomas dyker

my brother has a wet suit and other diving stuff but i’ve never tried it before, until today when he, robin and i went for a swim. the water was extremely cold, 20-something, but the wet suit is a MIRACLE! i felt like a seal with it! with the weights on i was 10kg heavier and the actual suit made me 3cm thicker everywhere. it was like having an extra layer of fat. i felt warm and cozy.

two birds

robin took a nice photo of two terns while i was preparing to dive.

baby-tärna they were on guard for their baby tern.

tärna 3
hence the rapid welcome.

tärnaclose, but close friends?

tärna 2i got the message and backed off.

thomas dykeri entered the sea as a seal. lovely feeling.
unpopular diver still highly unpopular though. but my appearance as a seal cooled them down. i even hauled myself up on the cliff close to the baby tern. i’m a seal i’m a seal 🙂

thomas divingand i can DIVE! i started diving from the cliff shore, along the bottom, and this is where i got up. hard to tell how deep i went, the angle was about 45° but i did not reach the bottom. later, kimmen told me the depth is about 15 meters. i might not make it in the future either, during the last meter i got a funny sound in my head as i tried to level out the pressure. then again, 15 meters should be doable.

getting up from the waterin any case, i love diving.

what dad said.

i’m almost asleep but i want to write about something significant and personal. the background: robin and i went to korpo to visit my parents and siblings. since it was my dad’s namesday i decided to surprise him by preparing a thai meal as well, for him and the rest.

i don’t prepare food very often, and for others even less, so they were definitely taken by surprise. by the end of the dinner, dad praised the food and thanked for the whole thing – and then said to me:

i’ve always known that when you really want, you can do anything.

he certainly meant it in the broadest of senses. then everybody applauded for the dinner i made.

words, sentences. i find these to come annoyingly close to negative self-praise (don’t brag!) and distortion of reality (am i really worth the praise, do i lye?). in any case, at the time i felt, i don’t know what to say but i know what i felt. i’ve said enough at the moment and will leave it at that.

meta matters: from time to time i think about what’s in my best interest to blog about and what’s not. this time i gave it some more thought. i decided that although what i just wrote is personal, it’s not private. and i doubt it can be held against me. yet still, there’s something i can’t put my finger on.