you say one thing, but mean your mother.
jag vill fortfarande skriva, kriser till trots och nu vet jag vad jag vill anteckna. för det här är främst för marginalen. samtidigt viktigt, för mig.
jag vill förstå vad psykoanalysen är idag. och jag tänkte nöja mej just nu med att konstatera att nästa bok i turen är who owns psychoanalysis. den ska jag bli klok på. och så letar jag med ljus och lykta efter en relaterad frågeställning för prosemina.
kl. 5.50: det som började som en filmkväll på insten urartade i att vi diskuterade vårt själsliv i kafferummet tills freud-dockan med vårt goda samvete hängde sig i lampkronan. ambitionen för söndagen är att vakna i tid till minigolfen på eftermiddagen. jag har fortfarande inte fått postorderreklam för dygnsrytm.
the interviews are done. i feel satisfied. some minor bloopers aside, i feel good about being me.
the group discussions went well. we decided to talk about the bird flu and i tried to reflect upon it. the bird flu was a convenient way to talk about our fears in that very situation, without acknowledging what was happening right there and now. we were all pretty nervous and afraid since we knew some of us aren’t going to make it. i guess a catastrophy-feeling like “the world is going under” was eminent, but it was too hot to talk about that very situation, hence the attractiveness to discuss the bird flu. (one of us mentioned after awhile: there’s been little news about the bird flue recently – yeah well, maybe we came to think about the bird flue because the interview situation raised similar fears). however, i was the only one curious to talk about why we chose that topic.
lessons learned:
a) don’t say “good luck” when leaving since I am the one wanting it. it’s too obvious in hindsight.
b) maybe i tried to be too wise again. i’m afraid i was too interested in noticing how the three other candidates dealt with the situation that i acted as if I wasn’t afraid and nervous. i’m not sure. then again i did tell the psychologists that i was nervous.
